The 14th February is Valentines Day, and many women will expect to receive something special from their partners. Valentines Day is therefore an opportunity for husbands to demonstratively remind their wives, in an extraordinary way, that they still love them.
After Valentines Day has passed, some women may find themselves unfulfilled and want something more from their husbands. Some women may actually feel guilty for wanting something more when they consider all that their husbands have already done for them. Women generally do not elucidate these desires to their husbands. They somehow expect that their mates should already know what they want. Some men recognise that their wives want something more from them but they cannot seem to grasp what it is.
What then do women really want from their husbands? A plethora of books continue to be written on this subject, yet the answer still seems to elude both sexes, and has probably perplexed men for millennia. After many years of marriage, many men continue to report that they still do not know what their wives really want. If a woman’s desires are hidden from her husband, then he can become frustrated and can eventually resign to the position that he will never know what his wife wants. A woman can also become frustrated at her husband’s disinterest in fulfilling this undefined need and can resign to the position that her husband will never understand what she really wants.
Both the frustrated and resigned partners can realize the answer by analysing a woman’s frequent criticisms and requests. This analysis reveals that women generally want their husbands to be more thoughtful towards them. While this knowledge is valuable, it can only be beneficial if there is implementation, and that is where the challenge occurs for many men.
It is relatively easy for women to be thoughtful towards their husbands. Women’s brains are designed to enable them to concentrate on more than one subject at a time. Therefore she can concentrate on her work or studies while also thinking about her husband.
A man’s brain is designed differently. Men generally cannot concentrate on more than one subject at any one time. Whatever occupies his mind tends to fully occupy his mind, and if he becomes distracted, then the distraction tends to fully occupy his mind. Men therefore have the ability to have a subject fully occupy their minds to the exclusion of all other subjects, including attending to their own welfare.
Women can learn to become more thoughtful by improving learned behaviours. However, men must address a fundamental physiological challenge. If this challenge is successfully addressed, then the benefits to the marriage are invaluable, and can result in both partners enjoying a relatively high level of contentment in a marriage. Men should not feel guilty or frustrated that they do not think about their wives all day while concentrating on their work. They should simply accept that they are men and try to identify the correct tool for the job.
There are various tools that a man can use in this regard. Diaries and calendars are some of the more popular. Men can assign at least one day each month where they plan something special for their wives. Some of the more popular plans include taking her out to lunch, dinner, dessert, or planning a weekend vacation. These plans should be assigned a high priority to increase the likelihood of them being implemented.
A man will tend to become more thoughtful as he demonstratively assigns a higher priority to his wife in relation to his other responsibilities. Men should therefore not try to change the way that they were created. Rather they should seek to employ the necessary tools to enable them to address any challenge without denying, rejecting, or trying to change their maleness.
On that note, I will shortly be taking on different responsibilities, which would necessitate me taking a leave of absence from writing this column for a few weeks. I wish to thank you for your interest in these articles.
Grenville Phillips II